Go Far

I’m doing it literally and hopefully figuratively too

The view en route to our home for the week.

“Hey girl, we’re going to finish this book. I got the place, you just have to show up. And that outline better be done. I mean no open-ended questions.” That was my friend Sesali, and now I’m doing something I’ve said I wanted to do for a very long time: a self-guided writing retreat. I’ll be locked up in the woods with blank pages waiting to be filled. No distractions. Limited screen time. Being one with nature. Stargazing. I’m not one for announcements but this feels like a big step on this journey you’ve been on with me the past few years.

I’m excited, anxious, scared, and that’s me putting it lightly. Since working on this book for the past (insert embarrassing number of years), I’ve never dedicated this kind of time to making serious headway. On vacations where I said I’d write, those sessions got pushed further and further away, then the only writing that actually happened would be on the plane ride back home. I’ve had good spurts—a week here, a week there—where I was living and dreaming in Violet’s world then life would happen that would pull me further away from her, and from this.

Live from the woods.

I’ve been thinking about how I want to approach this and what’s most important to me outside of the obvious (word count). So I’m here to set my intentions, aloud, and right here on the page.

1. Tap into Violet’s mind. A large part of my writing during this retreat will be in Violet’s voice. Most of the book is from a narrator’s POV and I’ve struggled with how the reader can tap into her mind outside of dialogue. Writing this will undoubtedly bring me back to some interesting and maybe traumatic moments, but it’s a huge piece of the puzzle that I think is missing. I want to play with words. I want to tap into what a 17 year old Violet sounds like and what a 30 year old Violet sounds like.

2. Conscious consumption. At this point I live on the internet. These days aren’t for filling my head with Love Island spoilers, random recipe Reels, two-hour long vlogs, and storytime Threads. Instagram and Threads will be temporarily deleted from my phone. I packed five books. The goal isn’t to finish them all, but it’s to tap into reading not only for enjoyment but research. Falling deep into stories in a different way, as a reader and a writer. I have to reduce the noise, and this is my way of doing that. (I will be checking the Knicks scores and streaming the last quarter if I’m awake.) I’m locking my phone away during the day (and trying to really stay off of it) so we are serious people!

3. Positivity, first. I have a way of being hard on myself. This time isn’t for that. Every day I want to remind myself I am kind, smart, and important. (Sorry, I had to.) This book isn’t impossible. I have a story to tell that lives in my mind and deserves to live in the hands of readers. I can do this. I will do this. I’m sure I’ll get frustrated, but staying positive is a must for me. Every single day.

4. Go far. I want to push the boundaries of my writing. Really tapping into the realized writer version of myself won’t be able to believe she wrote that. Like “I need a cigarette” level of awe. I’m sure some of you are wondering what does that mean? Many times writing feels like writing for the hell of it. “He said this,” “She said that.” I want this time to reveal necessary character development and quite frankly, better writing.

5. Reflect. At the end of each day, I want to do a quick stream of consciousness (by hand) about how writing went, how writing made me feel, if anything stood out. Maybe I’ll share some findings at the end, maybe not.

So yeah, I’m doing it. And me missing one of New York City’s most on-fire moments since I’ve lived there should show you how committed I am. (Okay, it’s kind of dramatic but the city is on fire.) Kamdani had to get away for Kaya Angelou to shine. The mayoress will soon return. If the words don’t come at first, I’m committed to sitting in silence or talking out to God until they do. But, I’m not pressuring myself to say this book has to be complete before I leave—the hope and prayer is that I’m closer to done than I’ve ever been.

Wish me luck. Go Knicks!